Who is my (family)?

Matthew 12: 46-48

⁴⁶ While Jesus was still talking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, wanting to speak to him. ⁴⁷Someone told him, “Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to you.”

⁴⁸ He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” ⁴⁹ Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. ⁵⁰ For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

It amazes me (in an appalling way) how quickly family can turn on family. Now I don't pretend to corner the market on family of origin strife, in fact I'm rather new to it. But when God begins to do work in me, people of my bloodline don't seem to like it.

I guess I'm still enough "of the world" to understand how weird it would seem to others if someone started chanting Scripture and dropping Jesus' name ever 3 sentences. I would still find that uncomfortable and maybe always will. But I didn't do that to anyone in my family. I did start to call things as I see them, regarding my recovery. I did put out there that there are risks to NOT acknowledging where we come from and how we were raised. But the first thing that these (so called) loved ones have done, is throw my faith in my face without me even bringing it up. Almost as if they were zig-zagging around that part of me and were waiting for it to come up and bite them in the ass. So at the first opportunity to criticize my "religion" they were more than ready to jump on it.

I guess what it comes down to is being overly defensive. Being afraid of something that isn't understood or accepted, and pouncing on it as soon as I voiced anything that opposed their point of view. I believe it comes from the same "fight or flight" instinct I have come to know in myself. I hate that reaction and I avoid it. But it's even more galling when it comes to those who I have known all of my life, who have insisted in the past that they love me.

It's almost as if I want the loving, caring people back who used to be there, instead of the closed minded (yes, c-l-o-s-e-d) unbending, NON-ACCEPTING, people who have taken their place. It makes me feel....alone. Abandoned by the ones I used to trust. Making me wonder if they were ever worthy of my trust or anyone else's.

I already know how these people shut themselves off from the rest of the world. You don't ever have to bother defending your argument if you never expose yourself to people who might come down on the other side of it. Convenient, huh? I wish I could still do that, sometimes. Unfortunately, I have to live in reality now. No wonder some people avoid it. Reality is no place for wimps.

Family members accuse me of "blaming" them for my problems. On the contrary, it is vital to my recovery to blame NO ONE. I have had my own spirit busted up by my decisions in this life. But is it "blaming" to call it what it is? To point out that there are things in the past that were unhealthy to a child? That those children still carry the lessons they learned into adulthood? Why would anything change?

I'm not naive. I know that this type of rejection comes from people not wanting to hear the truth. I guess my heart aches because I never thought it would be my "tough" family would avoid the issue at all costs. They were always so supportive when I lived inside the framework of their understanding. Now that I am beyond that, I'm a nothing. A nobody.

I have something I've never had before, though. I have brothers and sisters in Christ, who will be with me for eternity. They celebrate with me and they grieve with me. They pray for me and they understand me. This is what Jesus meant in the Scripture passage above. Why would I feel kinship to people who have not suffered what I have suffered? Why would I want to spend time with people who just don't "get it"? Those in recovery with me will listen and try to understand me. Those who are not, cannot deal with me unless they have all the answers ahead of time.

It's amazing that as you seek God's will in your life, the Bible becomes more and more true. Sometimes pretty: "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls", sometimes not: “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. ²² You will be hated by everyone because of me......",

But it always comes true.

Peace and prayers