As we know, we don't always understand why we are subjected to the struggles that we face in this life. However, we will look back on them at some point and see God's work in them. They might be character building, or something we need to learn that we wouldn't have otherwise. It might just be that we have to wait until the conditions are correct for us before God can show His work. Like a perfect parent, He knows when to have us wait.
I think the same can be said for joy as well as struggle. I have gone through life beating myself up because I never seemed to enjoy...well....almost anything. I always wanted to, but nothing seemed to give me enough of a thrill to really enjoy it at the time. This is probably why I discovered alcohol and never could get enough! I wanted that "excitement" or "high" from life NOW!
I'm sure that having anxiety issue and panic attacks exacerbated the problem. I needed "medication" to feel what I WANTED to feel. Never taking notice of the great things that had gone on the day or week before. I was always too much of a high-strung mess to enjoy where I was.
I never reflected.
Today I was involved with the service at church. Like so many times lately, I was nervous and wanted to be perfect, but I knew that it would be fun and that it was important. I also began to instinctively put memories and conversations in my memory bank for later in the day. I came home and reflected on all that I had seen. The exhaustion from nerves took over and I needed to shut down and process the events for awhile. This was where I found the joy and happiness of being part of God's family.
Many of my current sorrows slipped away as I reflected on the wonderful people I interacted with. I felt the world fall away as I celebrated God's victory over death. Not just physical death, but the death I was stuck in. Where I wallow in my junk and think of myself as less than everyone else. That is spiritual death. And it will keep me in bondage if I don't identify it, deal with it and then let it go. I won't get it right most of the time and will have to try again tomorrow.
That's the great thing about being a follower of Christ: I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to act like I have it all together. I just need to be me.....and learn to enjoy it.
Peace,
WA
